my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize