Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she peed on how many people?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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