Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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