I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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