White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
