So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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