She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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