I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
