pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
