Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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