Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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