She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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