he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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