well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
