My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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