i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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