dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
