I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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