tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize