You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
