i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
