can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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