Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
