My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
