They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
