your room smells of hookers.
And success
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I want is dick and wine.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
