dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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