I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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