I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
