Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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