I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
