she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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