I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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