grandma shit on top of the toilet
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
