i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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