cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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