not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
3pm strippers are depressing
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
