Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
