just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
