I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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