he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
