just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
