omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
