Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
