Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
