also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just googled if crying burns calories
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
