Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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