In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
