hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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