I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
