dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize