I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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