So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
