I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
