Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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