Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
