Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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