actually, I'm a sock model
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize