everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
