if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
