Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
