Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
