3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
