She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
