this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She's not a foreskin expert like you
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All the doctor said was why
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize