i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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