He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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